We have all had matches where we lost and were really upset afterwards. In this article, I am going to go into how to not only deal with the upset of a bad match or loss, but how to make sure you grow as a competitor out of that experience as well.

When we lose, we love to do a few things.  We love to have pity parties for ourselves and we even invite others. We have tantrums.  We kick, berate and beat ourselves up.  Familiar? Keep reading!

First, none of these approaches are getting you anywhere. They only make you feel bad- so stop doing them. But how?

With each one of these, it is common to think how we “should have won, played better, suck…” We go on and on to ourselves and even others about how we are bad, suck and there is something wrong here- either with us or the sport or something. Then we dominate others around us by staying upset, pissed off, sad or dumpy. All the time we are miserable, but this is the best we think there is if we did not win- to beat ourselves up and not let anyone make a difference with us.  LAME!

We also think that we have to beat ourselves up, otherwise, we may not learn to “not suck so much” in the future and kicking ourselves will actually make the lesson sink in. Again, not true.

When you lose, it is not he loss that makes you upset, but the conversation that you have about yourself and about the loss that is so upsetting. This conversation comes from you and you actually have a choice to have the conversation or not. Again, your choice, but up until now, you have been choosing to do it- I recommend skipping it.

Here is what TO DO to deal with a loss. First, do not indulge in beating yourself up and kicking yourself, pity partying or upset. It will not get you anywhere, except expend energy, make you miserable and actually make learning harder.  What you want to do is take an HONEST and OBJECTIVE look at what it was that had you lose.  Here, you want to look at yourself, because putting the reason somewhere else gives you no access to improving.

Here, you want to look at physical and mental aspects of your game that may not have been strong enough to win- this time. Did you get tired or winded? Then get fitter.  Were you getting upset or choking during the match?  Were you tight? Then work on your mental game. Was your backhand inconsistent? Take a lesson on your backhand. In looking at this, you will know where to work on for the next match so that you never lose for that reason again. Use every match to learn, not be miserable.

Just like any other time, you have to use your mental toughness muscle to have this happen and it takes building like and other.  If it were easy, anyone could do it!

David Groemping

Gemini Mental Toughness Training

We see extremely mentally tough players all around us- at our club, in tournaments and among the pros.
What is it that they have?  In this article I am going to break down five of the top specific traits players have that make them mentally tough.

1) Mentally Tough Players Play One Point at a Time

To really be in the zone, you have to be in the moment.  This includes fully having your attention on the task at hand.  One thing that gets in the way of us accomplishing this is having our focus on what happened in past points or what may happen in the future.
Mentally tough players are only thinking of the point at hand, like it is the only one that exists.  They do not dwell on old pints, however good or bad they were. Additionally, they do not think of anything beyond the current point, how great it is going to be to win or how far they are from getting there.

2) Play to Win

Mentally tough players know that the only reason they are out there is to win.  Nothing else.  They are not out there to be nice, gain admiration, be liked or mess around in any capacity.  Winning is the job to be done here. They not only know this, but act in line with it. Additionally, mentally tough players do not play down to others or give themselves breaks during a game or match. This includes having a workman like ethic towards achieving victory.

3) They Leave the Drama Aside

Mentally tough players have no interest in drama.  They avoid getting angry or upset. They do not tolerate letting themselves get down in the dumps, having low morale or kicking themselves.  They also do not whine or complain. Mentally tough players do not indulge in any of these things, but stay focused to win.

4) Mentally Tough Players Keep Their Opponent Down

Once a mentally tough player gets the lead, they not only keep it, but expand it- relentlessly. They do not give their opponent any window to get back in the game or match. Once they have the lead, they not only keep up the same focus and intensity that got them winning in the first pace, but take it up a notch.  By staying at the top of their game when they have the lead, mentally tough players keep their opponents down and out.

5) They Are Closers

Mentally tough players do not choke. They capitalize on opportunities when it matters the most. When it really counts and the pressure is on, they are able to perform and produce the result. Mentally tough players are comfortable and effective in finishing out a game or match.

How to Keep Your Opponent Down When They Get There So You Can Win

In this article we are going to go over how you can take advantage of your opponent throwing their racket, getting down or having a tantrum so you can ride the match out and win.

First!

The first thing to start to consider is how do you usually react when your opponent(s) get upset, yell, scream, hunch over or do anything else indicating that their game is off?

Really think about this for a minute. Do you get tight?  Start to do the same as them? Worry if you can keep it up? Feel sorry for them?

If what you are already doing is not working out so well, then keep reading. And if what you are already doing is working, keep reading too!

The main key to keeping the other player down is that you have to keep playing well and avoid letting them back in the match, which takes avoiding playing badly yourself.

But how do you do that?

One trap that we can fall into when our opponents start to get down is thinking that it is going to be easier for us now and we can relax a little. We can take our level of play down too, have it a little easier and still win. No way!  When your opponent is down, you need to turn up the heat even more to keep them down.

We have already discovered how we react when we notice the other player is down.  I am going to draw a fine line here. What is really going to help you be mentally tough and keep your opponent down is to not react to what they are doing at all, but simply notice it. Notice that they are down so you can turn up the heat and take advantage of them playing badly, but do not get sucked in and have your own reaction.

Don’t feel sorry, don’t be nice, don’t think you have it easy or have any other REACTION possible. This will only give the opponent a window to get back in the match.

Now that you know what not to do and what to avoid, it is time to focus! On what?  On turning up the heat to keep them down.  Here is a mental image that I like- you have finally gotten them to lie down, and it is time for you to pretend you are a sumo wrester-tennis player and sit on them for the rest of the match, and not give them any wiggle room. You don’t give them wiggle room by keeping on playing awesome tennis yourself by focusing on what it takes to win.  What exactly do you focus on?  A game plan, strategy or how you want to be on the court will all get the job done, but the most important thing is avoiding the pitfalls above!

The Mental Toughness to FOCUS on WINNING – Two Types of Thinking

Mental toughness is all about focusing on something that is going to be effective to have you play well and win. But if your mind wanders or a million things pass though your head when competing, then your mental game and results will suffer.

SO, does your mind go crazy when you are competing? Are your thoughts all over the place?  Is there tons of stuff going on in your head?

If so, then that’s perfect because we are going to talk about that in this article!

Two Types of Thinking

The first thing to look at is that there are two types of thoughts and thinking.
The first type is the thinking that happens and the thoughts that come in your head randomly and you cannot control or shut them off. This is the thinking that goes on when you are driving, laying in bed at night or unfortunately, trying to be mentally tough. They also take absolutely no effort and bubble up randomly.
This first type of thinking has nothing to do with being mentally tough or winning. This is also the type of thinking that causes your mind to wander and focus on a thousand different things.  Bottom line: it is bad for your mental game.

Then there is the second type of thinking.  Have you ever done very difficult math, planned a complex event or done any other type of real hard thinking? Remember how this actually hurt a little?  You felt a burn like you feel when you are lifting weights or running sprints, but instead of your biceps, it was your mind. This is exercising your mental toughness muscle and you were feeling it! This second type of thinking requires effort, focus and intentionality. It even hurts a little bit. This is the type of thinking for mental toughness. Bottom line: it is good for your mental game.

Now What?

First, lets categorize the two types of thinking to make is crystal clear. The first type is bad for your mental toughness.  The second type is the type of thinking that it takes to focus and be mentally tough.

So what there is to do is to use the second type of thinking during the course of the competition. Use it to get yourself to focus on what it is going to take to win. It also takes not paying attention to the random thoughts that pass through your head, like what you are going to eat afterwards. Instead, you have to make yourself focus using the second type of thinking. When using your mental toughness muscle, you are unable to get caught up in the random chatter of your mind. You have to be focus and on to yourself the entire time and not let yourself indulge in the random thoughts that corrupt your game.

This is simple, but not easy. It may take practice and building your mental muscle to be able to do this, but in the end, you will have a huge advantage over your opponent and be able to focus on winning the whole time.